La culpa es un sentimiento que nos avisa que nuestras acciones u omisiones han perjudicado a otro (o a nosotros mismos). Generalmente, nos sirve para enmendar el error, y evitar volverlo a cometer . Nos lleva a ser responsables de nuestras acciones.
Pero la culpa no cambia los errores del pasado y puede transformarse en una emoción que agobia y guía a una equivocada toma de decisiones.
¿Porque te sentís así?
La culpa no se origina en lo que hacés, sino en la interpretación de la situación y cómo nos calificamos por ella. Por eso es que frente a una misma situación, hay personas que sienten culpa y otras que no.
La persona culposa habitualmente tuvo un crianza marcada por las duras críticas a sus errores. Se rige por expectativas elevadas, principios morales rígidos, baja autoestima y suele poner el bienestar de los demás por delante del suyo propio. Es fácilmente vulnerable al chantaje emocional porque no quiere hacer nada que haga sufrir a otro, aunque vaya en contra de su propio bienestar.
Si tus creencias dicen que ser una buena madre es estar todo el día con sus hijos y quedarse en la casa cuidando del bienestar de la familia, cuando te ves obligada a salir a trabajar puede aparecer un sentimiento de culpa por “dejarlo” en casa al cuidado de otra persona. La culpa además de hacerte sentir mal con vos misma, puede influir en el momento en que tengas que manejar un capricho o decidir un regalo, por sentir que tenés que compensar a tu hijo por tu ausencia.
¿Qué podes hacer?
Para dejar de autoevaluarte negativamente, comenzá a comprender cuáles son las ideas que te hacen sentir culpable y si podría haber otra forma de interpretar la misma situación.
Evaluar a quién dañás, meditar si hubieras podido evitarlo, o por qué elegiste actuar de esa manera. Revisar las creencias y valores permite comprender el por que de tus acciones y los sentimientos que provocan. Preguntarte si esos valores son adecuados, si tus expectativas son realistas y si había otras opciones posibles.
Es importante saber que hay muchas formas posibles de manejar una situación. Un pensamiento rígido puede hacerte creer que hay una sola forma de actuar de manera correcta, y si no logre hacerlo así, te auto reprocho y castigas hasta sentirte físicamente mal.
Siguiendo con el ejemplo anterior, si comprendemos que en estos tiempos muchas familias necesitan por motivos económicos o personales que ambos padres trabajen, podría dejar de criticarse duramente y enfocarse en sus conductas como mama cuando esta con tus hijos.
Aunque te tortures pensando, muchas veces lo único que podes hacer es aceptar que en ocasiones uno hace lo que puede. Cometer errores, la injusticia y las desgracias son parte de la vida.
Lo ideal suele estar lejos de lo posible. Llenar tu cabeza con pensamientos de remordimientos no cambia la situación ni la hacen mas llevadera, solo provoca mayor malestar y afecta negativamente el autoestima
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